First Post...What Do I Say?

So...I've had this blog made for over a week now, but just haven't known where to begin.  There is so much to tell.  It is my desire that, in all I say and do, God will be glorified and others may be drawn closer to Him. 

I have not always been a Christ follower.  As a child, I learned all about God and Jesus and all the stories of the Bible.  I understood that Jesus died on the cross to save me from my sins.  But there was one missing link.  A link that seems so simple, and really should be.  But because of our human nature, we make it very difficult.  From the time we are born, we are taught to become independent human beings.  To learn to take care of ourselves and do things on our own.  This isn't all bad. But it goes against everything God wants from us. 

God wants total dependence on Him.  He wants us to have a relationship with Him.  Not just any relationship, but a very close, personal relationship.  He wants us to ask Him for and about EVERYTHING.  He wants to be our hearts desire.  But because of our "need" to be independent, we struggle with this very concept (or at least I do). 

That is why at the age of 13, I began to do things my way.  How I wanted and when I wanted...or so I thought.  I began drinking and "having fun."  At the age of 15, I had sex for the first time and it was the beginning of many times thereafter.  Shortly after, I began smoking and doing drugs.  I thought I was having fun.  I thought I was happy.  I thought I could escape from a life that I thought was dull and boring.  I thought this was the fun life.  Party after party.  High after high.  But deep inside, there was a big hole.

At age 17, I found myself pregnant after a one night stand with a guy I barely knew.  I remember that next morning, standing on the balcony with my best friend, knowing that I was pregnant.  But I didn't know what to do, so I decided to do nothing.  Maybe if I pretend nothing had changed, it would go away.  But, when September rolled around, so did the baby.  Despite the harm I had done to my body and to that of my unborn child, God protected her.  I gave birth to a beautiful 5lb 5oz baby girl. 

I still was unsure what I was going to do.  My mom was so supportive.  She told me she would support any decision I chose, whether to parent or place for adoption.  It really was not until my brother came into the room and with tears in his eyes told me I better take good care of his niece. And that began a new chapter in my life.

I would like to say I was on the straight and narrow at that point, but not so.  Sure, having a baby slowed me down a little bit, but I still managed to have "fun" and party it up.  Isn't that what life was about?  I wasn't the worst mom... Thankfully, my mom was there to pick up my pieces.  To not only finish raising me, but to help raise my daughter too. 

This went on for about 3 years.  At age 20, my daughter's father got in touch with us.  He wanted to see her and spend time with her.  I wasn't about to let her go with him alone, so I went along as well.  On weekends, we would visit his family and attend church.  It was during one of those church services that I began to understand that God was not some "Big Guy in the Sky", but a loving, caring God who desires a personal relationship with all who will accept.  I began to understand that no matter what I had done in my past, God wanted to forgive me and wipe the slate clean.  Jesus died on the cross and rose again so that we might have eternal life in heaven with him and abundant life here on earth. 

It was there, in that small Hispanic mission church, that I gave my life to Christ.  With a flood of tears and a heart full of remorse, I asked Jesus to forgive me of every wrong thing I had ever done.  I asked Him to be the One in control of my life.  And there I found so much more than I could have ever asked. 

....to be continued...